No Afterlife?

I’ve stopped

treating Heaven

like it’s a destination

my Kingdom come

has already come

my Great Reward

isn’t waiting

for me like a

future prom date

this is my reward

~all of this is the City of God

the hurt ~

the triumph

the ache~

the romance

the loss~

the screaming

the love~

the scents

the heat~

the freeze

the beauty~

the blood

the kisses~

all of it is Nirvana

I’m treating everything

like it is paradise

because it is

I’ve never wanted heaven to be

a place where everything is perfect

because I’d miss my tears

too much if I never get to feel

them snowboard down face again

I’d miss the ways my

scars vibrate whenever

you trace them with the tips

of your fingers

I’m not trying to

punch my ticket

through the celestial gates

because that means

my character arc would be over

and that would

be so anticlimactic

I’m just getting started

I think we both are

don’t forget you come

from the womb of eternity

don’t forget you are were

formed out of forever clay

don’t forget that you are pure energy

& pure energy don’t stop/can’t stop/won’t stop

just like how ~

you don’t stop/can’t stop/won’t stop either

you are endless

so, since you’re going

to be here a while,

my love don’t you think

that heaven would be

utterly boring if it ends

up being just a resort

I want heaven to be a

never ending

library of books

of revelation and secrets

or an endless

path that leads

us from one

mystery to the next

while we hold hands

through the unfolding

forest of the divine

I want this to be heaven

even though I suffer

so much every day

~ but isn’t that just the

price of adventure?

I don’t want a promised land

I just want to make a promise

that every breath I take will never

slip past my lips without me remembering

how much of a miracle this whole

damned experience is

my love, I don’t want to startle you

but I’m starting to think that there

is no afterlife

there is just life

and darling,

we are right

in the thick of it

~ john roedel

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