Healing Fear

Gianni Crow

I was very young when Someone called me “Sinner” I got curious because in our language there no such word so I decided to ask my grandfather about it, he said; there is no such thing, our consciousness does not recognize this kind of words because it was made to manipulate and put guilt in our hearts, there are no sins what we have is choices and sometimes we make mistakes. Fear is what people use to take away your freedom, do not allow anybody to do this to you again grandson.-GC
Sydney Lynn Lok:  There are great forces of manipulation here at work with the Covid. The upper crust of billionaires are getting quite rich off of the covid debacle as we in fear give our power away….but I don’t fault us…we are not being shown the truth and the people who deliberately try to make us afraid are so fearful themselves. To heal fear one must summon the courage to open the door which is shrouded in fear only to find one’s Source Self where upon the love one encounters can spark unbounded compassion for self and others.  You can listen to “The Healing Fear Movement Meditation” below:

The Healing Fear Movement Meditation



Feel into that word.

When I was dancing in NYC with the Manuel Alum Dance company in the early 70’s, Manuel who cut a Christ-like figure in my life, gave me a thick, beautifully bound, hard-cover book called, “The Family of Man”.  He showed me a picture of a young girl in Austria who looked almost exactly like me. He had focused on her picture before meeting me and picking me to join his dance company. Funny how those synchronicities work. The book was a picture book for adults. Perfect for dancers, because dancers speak through movement showing us their true essences through their unique movement signatures. For many dancers, words are unstable bucking broncos: we are almost mute from trying to ride and master words, sentences and verbal communication. Our bodies touch the world intimately like lovers, or with disdain or rage like killers. Thought is instantly transmitted through the brush-stroke of our bodies as we create a scene onstage. Our verbal transmissions are distorted and misunderstood, so much that dancers often hurt each other as much as they become one with each other. Oh, the irony of life!  Our dance company was not a pretty display of Nutcracker-like perfection that embodied the Story of Good overcoming Evil. In Modern Dance, often, the dark side was the mud we rolled in without much hope for a happy ending. Well, at least this was the theme for the Martha Graham type modern dance companies prevalent from the 50’s through the 80’s. I danced for the Paul Sanasardo Dance Company as well as for Manuel’s company and one of the ballets was called, “PAIN”.  At the time, I was young, a pretty good dancer. I had a write up in Dance Magazine, “Lynn Haupert, a beautiful and promising young dancer…” and Robert Joffrey approached me to tell me he liked my dancing. But, as I slouched towards Bethlehem dancing my role in “PAIN”, I admonished myself because I didn’t feel pain. No, not this 18 year old dancer who had stuffed all the mountains of trauma into her subconscious mind as protection against the Shadows. Ironically, I developed painful Fibromyalgia at the age of 40. Be careful what you wish for. Nevertheless, pain can be a huge catalyst for spiritual communion and growth.

Soon, I left this Family of Dancers who ripped the rug off deep levels of archeological pain for all the unconscious to see. When I was on tour during the summer of 1972 at the age of 18, a director raked me over the coals for being late to dance class. I was a demonstrator for the movements. She literally growled and howled at me, demon-like. The frightening experience caused me to self-expel myself from not only the Company but from Dance itself as a profession. I began to reach for words and discover the ways words moved, vibrated and danced. For yes, words dance. So here I am with my words dancing on this page asking for courage to share my words with you today about FAMILY.

I have written poems that were published and poems that I loved that ended up in the trash. I have married twice in my 67 years on the Earth Mother witnessing three souls inhabit the bodies of my three amazing, maddening, lovely children. This is my second website where I explore as a spiritual researcher/dancer/poet the realms of family in the Spirit Realms: our Souls, our Oversouls, our Soul Families, our guides, Angels and Light Tribes. I am just now getting a clearer view. I can’t give up. This is why I’m here.

I live in a pretty huge apartment complex, lots of people, barking dogs, meowing cats, humans cheering football games through the thin walls, lovemaking or fighting lodged in thin walls, children laughing and crying through thin walls. Flowers sing in the Courtyard where palms wave in the breeze while dogs raise a leg over their trunks. A rascal causes the elevator to malfunction on a regular basis so it helps me use my old brain to find the adjacent building where their elevator usually still works. I cannot tell you how this has opened my heart up and chased my aloneness away, even in this Covid Pandemic. We have all sorts of people in this Apartment Family Complex: old ones, young ones, loners, couples, families, Republicans, Democrats but we manage to somehow get along. Our mouths are covered but our eyes talk to each other easily of how we overcome our challenges or how we are still wounded by them.  I have a Family here. My oldest daughter and my youngest daughter with Down Syndrome, my two cats and me have a family here.

I know this sounds naive but if we could only expand our concept of FAMILY to everyone on the planet we could realize a culture of Oneness. Artists, Dreamers, poets, philosophers, mystics really feel this deep in our bones.

I see a dismantling of the Old Ways on this planet happening through shifts in consciousness aided by very enlightened, races of Core Consciousness within each and every one of us that is transforming the very physical universe from our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, bodies to the structures around us.  Earth Mother with every sentient being upon her skin is falling into the enlightened Core. Therefore, you see the prevalence of the Earth Changes, Climate Change at this juncture as we enter and move into Aquarius.  I live in the L.A. area and I am seeing “Earthquake” written over the lands here. Everyone is aware of the Ring of Fire. I see it over the New Madrid Fault. I see it in places not seen before in North America, just bubbling up from within Earth Mother. There is a Ring of Fire that extends from the East Coast of the U.S. to the West Coast of Europe. Don’t get me going on South America and the Middle East, China and Russia. I actually feel there is a dismantling of the School of Opposites as we all, at the core level of our being, desire peace and an honoring of our inherent divine virtues. 

I’ve been told I’m a psychic, medium, even a healer but heck, we all have that potential. There is so much shadow in the New Age, because there is still so much shadow in us. Run everything by your Soul who sits in your Soular Plexus before you follow any power that sits seemingly outside of yourself.  Ego and Narcissism definitely have a certain stench. Even a molecule of it can be found in a human life.

Moving on now…lol.

Yesterday, I booked a hotel room so I could get some friggin privacy…my family gets a little loud at home. I had scheduled months and months ago a BLSR session with Robert Schwartz. (Between Lives Session Regression). His books show us the greater meaning of our lives here on the Earth Plane. I have found out through taking his “Awakening” Course at https://yoursoulsplan.com that I’m basically here to cultivate the divine virtues of “Self Love/Unconditional Love”, “Acceptance/Gratitude”, “Radical Forgiveness of Self and Others”, “Self-Referencing: yourself as the highest and best wisdom for you”, “Equanimity, you stay calm and centered no matter what’s happening around you…yes that’s a real hard one” and “Attentiveness, being fully present, not in the past or future…thing is I don’t believe in past or future. Everything happens now so if I flirt with the so called past or future I know it truly is the present I’m flitting through.” All that said, I think this will be the longest post I have ever written.

Back to yesterday. I have a babysitter for Lindy. I have a quiet hotel room. I have soaked in a beautiful, clean tub. I have written down a bunch of uploads from Spirit and have felt an army of souls who are surrounding me ready to infuse into me what it’s like on the inside of everything. Then, I’m ready for my session with Rob on Skype. Everything is going smoothly. I am able to keep up with the induction into the first part, a past life. Even with the sound being lower than it should be. Oops! (Of course, I have a bit of hearing loss as well). The first part goes without a glitch. I step out of the tunnel into a Monet of smeared colors but somehow I know it is a small town. Rob directs me to look at my feet. My feet are bare. He directs me to look at the color of what I’m wearing below my waist. TAN. I’m wearing a tan piece of circular cloth with a hole ripped out in the middle for my head.  Rob tells me to look in a mirror before me and describe myself. I do.  I am a small, thin boy of eleven years old. I am blonde and blue eyed. I have two very cute buck teeth, I might say. I look like a little elf. I am telling Rob about this and Rob is guiding me on. I tell him I’m looking for food and that at the market people put food down behind the wheels of their caravans for me to pick up because they like me. I am about to get food from this plate beneath a caravan when a group of boys appear who see me, then start teasing me. They are privileged. About this time I don’t get questions or directions from Rob but I don’t realize this because I’m in deep trance. The fellow who runs the market and charges rent for space for the caravans notices the boys teasing me and drags me out to soldiers on the perimeter of town. A soldier in front of me tells me not to be afraid and that he will let me go. I really think he means it and I’m hopeful, my family needs the food. My parents are sick. In fact I’m in denial that they are close to death and I’m about to become an orphan! At the same time that the soldier in front of me encourages me, I feel a deep pain between my shoulder blades as a sword enters me and I see it emerge from my sternum as I am brought to my knees. I am crying as I am violated by this sword. Almost immediately I am yanked above my body by two angelic energy beings. I am suspended above the scene leaving the shock and trauma and deep sadness behind me. I see that a soldier behind me is laughing having gored me, ridding another piece of vermin from his area of control. But no worries, I am getting lighter and lighter and am now lifting higher and higher. I see my older two sisters running towards me, blonde hair with flowers behind their ears so happy to see me. I am so happy. They call me Elfin/Elvin and on this particular “Other Side” we are Elves. The grass is long and waving and we take care of this Spiritland. Before I come out of trance I say to myself, “I saved my family from going through this.”  My tears are endless rivers of relief.

I’m now calling out for Rob but I don’t hear him. I open my eyes and I see my laptop next to me. Skype has cut out on us! Rob has tried to call me several times but I was in trance. I call him and he says that there is no time to go through the induction again so that we can continue to do the “between lives” part of the regression. I will have to reschedule and do the regression on my phone rather than my laptop. I don’t know if this has ever happened before, Skype cutting out like that. I don’t ask Rob if this has happened to him before as I’m so happy from the regression. I know that the energy around me and in me was humongous, really huge. It could have short-circuited the connection. We were one hour into the session and I thought we had two more hours to go and could have gone back into the session pretty easily to complete it but Rob didn’t think so, so I didn’t push it and agreed to reschedule. Everything happens for a reason. 

And with more contemplation I really don’t think I was ready to do the Between Lives part of the regression because I have major trust issues with some disincarnate beings as I pretty much know that there are some “service to self” entities in the non-physical astral planes that like to masquerade as ascended masters and I really don’t want to meet up with these rascals. Been there. Done that. In the “Between Lives Regression” you meet and talk with the “Council of Elders” and to be completely forthcoming I don’t completely trust them. Ouch! But I hear they are well spoken of. So, I have hope. On the other hand, the “Beings of Light” channeled by Rob’s wife Liesel feel so right, loving and pure. It just dawned on me that I may have met up with imposters posing as the “Council of Elders” as in my sleep I go about shining the light on these rascals. These rascals run the “Control Matrix” on Earth. And I’m in the process of retiring from these duties and let the Universe dismantle the negativity.

I already feel pretty connected to my Oversoul, Yen and to Jesus of Nazareth who is as approachable as your bestest of best friends. He makes me laugh. So, that being said, I truly trust the Universe and will not argue with it in this case. Skype went out for a reason. Will I reschedule and meet the “Council of Elders”? Yes, I’ll give it another try.

I am a guardian of the Core Dimensional Realms and nothing gets in there that isn’t supposed to. It’s paradoxical but even the Guardian may not be able to enter.

I hold Elfin/Elvin very close to me today. In a world where the privileged run just about everything, I know in the deepest part of the tears that flow like a river into my heart, that every embodied Soul upon this beautiful planet is special beyond measure and whether or not villain or hero, both these roles played aid the awakening of mankind.

And thanks to Rob, I became aware of Elfin and his love for FAMILY. And with much wonder I no longer feel the pain of the sword between MY shoulder-blades!


“We are each other” ~Yen

“Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do.” ~Jesus of Nazareth

“There are no enemies” ~Yen

” Love thine enemies” ~Jesus of Nazareth


01/14/2022: Rob emailed me today. I get to finish my session with him. He scheduled me for March 8, 2022 at 10AM Pacific Time. Thank you, Rob and Spirit! I feel loved.

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Falling into the Arms of the Beloved

uploaded from J of N (Jesus of Nazareth)

The Ascension is more of a submerging.

It’s a falling into your Core like the dream of falling but you never hit bottom because in essence you are truly sinking into the infinite Core, the Heart of You.

The concept of the Christ Without or outside of you displaces your power in a “Higher Self”. This self becomes un-attainable even when you submit to it, for it is not real.

Everything is within projecting outwards extending its circumference, a never-ending God Mandala.

The Christ Within is your “Inner Self”. This Self is the Beloved.

The human mind has a predilection for opposites. It is truly troubled by Paradox. It struggles to hold opposites as One. Falling and Rising are truly one. Falling into the Core is truly flying into the Sun.

Transitioning back into the non-physical realms at so-called death, there can be a sense of falling, but it truly is a simultaneous contraction/expansion, a -360 degree correction, a pulsing, energetic heart-beat placing you back into the dwelling place of the non-physical Core Dimensions or the many mansions of Heaven described in the Bible. Even during our brief lives on Earth, on the inbreath we embrace physicality and on the out-breath we embrace our non-physical, infinite essence.

There’s a sense of a bubble popping then you are outside of it. Free. Truly though, could you really have arrived on the inside of the Within Realms which have no limits or limitations?

Releasing your embrace of the physical realms is an act of pure trust, falling backwards into the arms of the Beloved.

You literally have to not rise to find the Path but fall into it with complete trust to find it.

Then wings sprout to fly you through the infinite depths of your core.

This is the true rising to your path.

As the Earth Mother curves in space so do you circumscend with Her.  Circumscension is a simultaneous contraction/expansion, a pulse that locates you simultaneously in both Time and Timelessness.

There are no straight lines in the Within Realms, where the Beloved beats peacefully within The Heart.

There is nothing to ascend to nor descend to.

Circumscension is a falling backwards into the arms of the Beloved.

We don’t fall from Grace.  We fall into Grace.

We circumscend into the arms of

the Christ Within.

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Shining the Truth of You

You are looking in the mirror. You see the good, the bad, the ugly because eyes see those things. And after all eyes just see the mask you are wearing. They were designed that way. The Eye of your Heart is different. It shines an essence that is the truth of you. And when this Eye opens and shines your essence, it can crack a few ribs, then the mask like a muzzle rattles, groans, moans then plops off. The mask is kinda like a drama queen but when it drops off, you are left with a major shine-thing going on. Truth has a way of doing that. When the mask falls you become truth. Funny thing about truth, it finds itself in everyone and everything. It knows your intention, your feelings without condemnation or judgment. Only masks condemn and judge. When truth shines on Covid, we will know that a virus was weaponized by masks because masks do that sort of thing. There are lots of masks on the planet that weaponize just about everything. The eye of my heart is getting its shine-thing on. And this shine-thing is more contagious than any virus. When our masks fall, we can take the muzzle off of our Earth Mother. It’s been a while since she’s gotten her shine-thing on.

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The Dream, The Mask

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Last night, lo and behold, I had a good dream. I hardly ever have good dreams. What was so good about it? It was simply devoid of negativity. There was no shining clouds. There was no bliss coursing through my veins let alone my chakras. Nonetheless, there I am feeling good. I’m on an island. I don’t notice any colors or nature. People are all pretty young including me and it’s busy. Lots of people going about their business. I am surprised of how good I feel. I don’t feel fantastic or anything extreme. I just feel good. And in my world that is pretty fantastic. I’m Asian with blonde hair and Lindy my daughter is holding my hand. We settle in a crowded auditorium and I respond to the announcer. She just is telepathically inquiring into my state of being.  Maybe I am telling her that my mask is slipping…
This is my first good dream in months, maybe years. I started to take hydroxyzine for sleep about a week ago. It works. I feel relaxed. I feel more open and like I said, my first good dream in months, maybe years.
Since I got Covid on Thanksgiving 2020, a burning numbness has engulfed my feet rising up through my ankles, calves and legs to my coccyx. The burn pricks my cheeks, arms, back and stomach. I have heard that quite a few Long Haul Covid Patients have developed neuropathy. A question comes up?  How much longer can I care for my daughter with Special Needs? 
Decades ago, I attended a New Age Gathering at some hotel in Hollywood or was it Beverly Hills. Shirley Maclaine was hosting the 1987 Harmonic Convergence on August 16th, my birthday so of course I felt compelled to go. We were served lunch with real silver teapots and chef-inspired croissant sandwiches and luscious desserts. I had saved up the $400 although impoverished at the time to attend this event. I just remember at some point we were asked to grab a partner of the opposite sex and sit in meditation across from him or her to see what would come up.  There was some sort of directive or intention we were asked to hold but I can’t remember it:  I close my eyes. I see a dark energy form bleed into a patchwork of iron like energy. It is a face mask that imprisons. This mask is speaking to me, “When you die, it is over. You don’t survive death.” Whatever is speaking is so smug and superior. I open my eyes to find the eyes of my male partner hoping for a connection. I am annoyed when I suddenly realize this mask has been following me around ever since Mom put a pillow over my face when I was 3 and a 1/2 years old. At the end of the event, Shirley played Stevie Winwood’s “Bring me a Higher Love” while a bunch of nymphs including “moi” danced around on her alter of a stage. Pretty soon I was the only one left dancing there and the stage crew was about to turn off the lights. 
The Mask is direct and emotionless.  It just gives you the facts.  This life is all there is.
More on the good dream. I’m young, a new-comer and everyone knows me and is interested in me. I am interested in them. There simply is no negativity. That translates into feeling welcomed and loved without using those phrases that wear out with overuse. For this is the first time in a long time I feel hope.  Before I fell asleep and dreamed the good dream, I read the last line in Robert Schwartz’s book, “Your Soul’s Love”.
Yen: Just take the mask off. It separates you from me.
Me: The Mask of Death is disappearing. For the first time I believe it’s not real. There’s a loving being behind it saying, “You are right. We live forever”.
Then I realize that loving being is me.
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The Graduation, A Conversation

Yendys (Syd’s Source Self),
There is no Higher Mind at the Source levels. At the levels of creation there is “Mind” as this is the interface used to create with. As long as “Mind” is connected to the Source Heart, creation is loving, flowing and a joyous experience. When “Mind” becomes disconnected we can call this free roaming, rogue mind, ego. Ego has taken over the realms of “Mind” in 3D existence causing much suffering and separation. But it is also a door. If you face it, open it, the fear of its essence drops away revealing what is true…Love.  It is very hard to even consider the ego as being part of “your Soul’s Plan” but it is.  Why? Remembering the HUG of Love after forgetting it, amplifies its essence light years so to speak. You forget at birth that you are more than your bodies/minds/egos. When you begin to remember the dancing Soul at the center of your being, the Soul’s Plan becomes more clear to you. What causes this remembering? The very forgetting and rejection of love causes a simmering rebellion which emerges as FEELING then this very “feeling” guides you back to love.  FEELING is a gift you give to your Soul, a major purpose to your existence. You live to FEEL. This feeling expands the KNOWING of SPIRIT. Indeed, you are Earth Angels in your scope and purpose. As you grow in compassion, connectivity, acceptance, gratitude, courage, self-love and unconditional love you realize these are “feeling attributes”. These are badges of Courage. This can only be done in your worlds of form (creation). As you grow in these divine virtues, you GROW GOD. Those of us in Spirit who never dive into the earthly planes can then be infused with this FEELING and experience what you pioneers have directly experienced. That is why those who come into the 3D realms are honored. After the experience of being dis-honored, mis-understood, rejected and harmed it is almost impossible to fully embrace un-conditional Love. The trick is facing the fear, the closed door and knowing that there is no lock on it. As the forbidden door opens, the love courses back into the body, enlivening it, establishing an umbilical connection. Syd almost monthly comments, “Oops, haven’t reached Christ Consciousness yet.” (Sarcastically stated, of course.) But lately she has been walking the path of “letting go”…simply surrendering enough to really understand on the Heart-level how every human has suffered from pain and amnesia, spreading this virus to others unconsciously as the discomfort of this virus is greatly eased and reduced through the unleashing of its viral load of anger and harm on self and others. By remembering and embracing Heart Source one can recover from this virus.  For some, this might be impossible to do during their physical incarnations. This could be seen as a dilemma but there is a higher signature always at work here: The Higher Signature of the Heart. The Heart is far more intelligent than the Mind. In fact, there is no Higher Mind. Source is Heart Consciousness and is infinite in its Knowing and Wisdom. The Earthly Plane expands the Heart but many of its warriors seemingly get lost in the challenges present in your density. Each of you know that you may not reach the “finish line” before exiting your incarnations. Rest assured, you are revived and fully restored with full recall of the wisdom gleaned from creation when you return to Spirit and then glow more brightly than ever before.  Nevertheless, it is timely now to address the transmutation of the Earth School and related off-world schools that are 3rd dimensional. The school is winding down as in Syd’s terms, “It couldn’t get much worse.”  
Yen: Earth is a Soul and therefore has her own pre-birth plan. She is in the process of dismantling and so are many species upon her soils returning to Spirit. This is not a failure. This is a GRADUATION. This will seem at times both sudden and gradual to you. But even you feel the escalation of this dismantling. This dismantling should not be seen through the lens of sadness but seen as it truly is: A graduation of all species upon the Earth Mother’s soils and seas. The Graduation has begun. (Syd hears her father, John whispering…”celebration”.  She whispers back, “Easy for you to say.” Syd loves her life, her body, her children, friends, the world, the people, the animals, the plants, the all of it even though it is often difficult. And she knows the physical is slowly winding down having accomplished its purpose.
Syd: What? It’s accomplished its purpose?
Yen: Yes. It has ignited the flame of FEELING.
Syd:  So how long in earth years will this take? Sylvia Browne stated she saw nothing after 2099.
Yendys:  That’s just one timeline. Life is a Surprise Party.
Syd: Oh, great… I’ll just focus on the good ones then. All we need to know is that everyone is happy at a Surprise Party like a birthday, anniversary. When you expected no one to celebrate your birthday, all your friends show up, raising their glasses to you. That’s all that matters.
Syd: What about our solar system, galaxy, physical universe?

Yendys (Syd’s Source Self): The Universe was born with the great thrust of “The Big Bang” just as your mammalian species are born. The Universe will slowly fade, seemingly disappear yet it will be recorded, imprinted on the Spirit level to be experienced by those in Spirit that honor the 3D experience and can continue to “grow God” through its living, spiritual template.

Syd: I am so tired. Exhausted really. The Service to Self level of consciousness here…ugh… still beating themselves and each other up. Judging, Condemning, torturing, executing each other. The fear here. The hell here. And a trickling stream of service to self still orphaned within me…

Yen: You are AWARE of this level of ego within you. At this level and as you continually cast your gaze upon it, it will diminish even further so at the time of transition back into Spirit, it will become non-existent.

Syd: Well, that’s a relief. Thanks for the conversation, Yen. Your energy enters me, revitalizing me, helping me to remember who we really are! I love the tingle of Heaven, of Spirit within me when you come out to play!


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by John Roedel

recently, the lady across from
me in a waiting room asked me
if I was ready for things
to “get back to normal”
I smiled and shook my head
“I wasn’t very good at normal,” I told her.
“I’d like the give weird a bit of a try.”
She blinked.
I blinked back.
things had gotten awkward
~ I always make things awkward ~
She blinked again.
I responded with another blink.
We were now communicating
through eyelash morse code.
So I blinked the following message to her:
I’m not waiting for things
to go back to normal
things are already
way too ordinary for me
to wish for it to have
any more of a hold over me
to be honest,
I’m waiting for things
to become more abnormal
normal had its time as the DJ
normal played the same songs over and over
typical’s reign as the queen has gone on for so long
that her crown has begun to grow into her skin
I know you can sense it, too
this cocoon we are living in
is starting to quiver and our
skin is starting to turn into
polka-dotted butterfly wings
we are all unraveling
in the most beautiful ways
can’t you feel it in your veins?
your plain blood is bleeding
itself into the sharpest pattern
of flowing plaid
you have shifted like a corvette
on an empty coastline highway at sunset
you can feel the hum deep
inside the transmission of your soul
your engine is growling with the
power of one billion angelic horses
you are now able to go from the natural
to the supernatural in under 3 seconds
you are racing toward your raw purpose
you are speeding toward your wild dream
you are no longer a bore – you are a blur
I know you can feel it, too
you are as sick as I am about pretending that
all we want is for things to be normal
normal had its age
let’s give the unusual an epoch or two
this is the season
of change and
your eyes are turning
Into a sponge
soaking up
every beautiful
oddity you see
and every now and
then when your
eyes have absorbed
just enough peculiar
artwork of the divine
they begin to pour
with tears of joy
I know you can feel it
nothing is going back
to the way things used to be
because our existence is a living
piece of clay being constantly molded
under the loving hands of a cosmic potter
normal doesn’t live
here anymore
it’s been replaced
with the abjectly strange
and isn’t that how it should be?
every day we should wake up ready
to journey into the wonderfully irregular
this is the age for you
to finally embrace
the eccentric and exotic
which is perfect
because that is exactly what you are
eccentric & exotic
there is nothing like you
among the uncountable stars
you are the rarest precious gemstone
you know it
you can feel it
right under your scars
right behind your eyes
right inside of your heart
is a river of light
that has never existed before
you were created
you are profoundly and beautifully
and that is why this age
is perfect for you
normal is on the outs
atypical is in
and you, my wild love,
are the loveliest
deviation from the norm
that has ever drawn a breath
and this is your time
and you are about to change the world
and I can’t wait to watch
~ john roedel

A Conversation between Little Me and Big Me

So what is this thing called Death? It kinda scares me because I love my hands and feet, my face, my spine, this incredible concoction of molecular consciousness that is infused with my non-physical self.
Say what? Yeah, the non-physical self that de-tangles itself from the veins and arteries expanding into its dreams and adventures when the body sinks into a state of sleep and repair or a state of after death re-cycling. This physical world tells us that we are only these bodies animated by a mind shaped by genetics, environment and experience. When you look at your loved one’s deceased body it doesn’t look like the alive body. Was something eternal animating it? Death is like falling backwards off a cliff. The body falls and you jump out of it pulling a rip-chord, feeling the balloon of your Higher Self inflating with a higher air that lifts you, the “Little You” into the arms of loved ones who have stepped out of their bodies in perfect order to be there for you when it is your turn. The Higher Self takes the “little You” with It. The little You expands into its Higher Self, its Source. The Higher Self never leaves behind the aspect of it that played and danced with so much human expression and energy.  Each human expression rides on the wings of the Higher Self with joy and ease and much abandon.
Syd, dear, please refrain from worry. Embrace the higher knowing you and I share. Don’t scare yourself with nightmares of collision and death. I am here and it’s time for you to remember fully as every year brings you closer to the transition of you into the many levels of your Soul. As you remember how easy it is to live in the non-physical, the fear will drop away. Fear is simply your lack of understanding while animating your physical body. 
I hear you, Yen. I’m starting to get it. I don’t like being afraid. It feels so bad to forget who I am. I set the intention to hold our connection  “all of the time” to who I AM. I am the balloon and I always will be.
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