I chatted with my twin sister on the phone this morning. We’ve had a difficult relationship ever since she ignored me at Fokine Ballet Camp when we were 13 years old. I fell into a deep depression causing our very close relationship to slowly crumble over the years. We are both child abuse trauma survivors. She turned to alcohol and drugs and I had eating disorders, depression, anxiety disorders. I had kids. She did not. She had a long term/drinking buddy marriage and I had two broken marriages resulting in following the singles road. Both of our psyches were fractured but in different ways.
So here we are chatting on the phone. I am talking about one of my three daughters. I am letting my ego just bleed out: “I wish Ta_hee would get a therapist to work out her issues (that I helped to create) so that she doesn’t go back to her hideous, domestic abuse partner. She’s got gray hair now and two more kids blah blah blah blah. Ok, here’s my sister. Hardly ever talks about spiritual stuff and she is suddenly saying to me, Let go of your ego’s need to fix other people. Lynn, you are on a Mommy Control Trip!” I start to sputter but no words come out. Her words have pierced a very hard layer in me. I feel like a balloon of caustic, toxic air is shooting out, totally deflating this huge pocket of pain within me. Whoa! I have this spiritual website where I am exploring the realms of Spirit, and here is my sister drinking pints of spirits every day and she is coming through with a wrecking ball of Higher Self-Healing from the Spirit Realms for me. (I had a reading with the renowned psychic, Sylvia Browne in 2002 where she said I was more spiritually advanced than my twin sister.) What utter nonsense. Don’t get me wrong. Sylvia helped me understand my gifts and themes in life and she saw the horror of my years as an abused and neglected child. Today, my dear twin sister born ten minutes after me, shined the Light of Spirit on a huge bubble of ego pain I really couldn’t see and feel deeply. She is like all of us. We are all Wounded Healers. The false teachings of “one person is more ENLIGHTENED than another” is a skewed ego perception. At any time, unexpectedly, the thick veil of ego can drop from any one of us showing the beautiful Soul within. Sylvia Browne believed in dark entities. The religions believe in evil: the devil, satan, beings condemned to an eternity of inescapable dungeons of depravity. But I believe everyone can connect back to Love. Every person can bring a glimpsing of the Light to another. On the other hand, I do believe that each of us are at different levels of AWAKENING from the false nightmare of the ego. Trauma splits the psyche creating Orphaned Aspects of Love that cling in desperation to paranoia, ego appetites and fractured perspectives. But this will be healed as more Light floods our planet with every breath we inhale from the Core. Our Sun is taking deep breaths of Light from the Core and exhaling it right into the Solar System, flinging Soular Flare energies into our atmosphere. We cannot help but breathe in these Core energies of Change. Where the energies are darkest on Earth Mother, chaos will ensue but the pot needs to be stirred and often only collapse can unblock the clogged Chakras of those suffocating in the deep trauma of ego indoctrination. As my sister says, “It’s all Good”. I know, the phrase is infuriating with all the suffering going on but when seen from the Bigger Picture, all of us when ready will board the train Home.
No Soul is older or younger, more or less evolved than another because there is no Time. The Core of every person is Love.
In fact, in some spiritual circles, the villain is not looked at with disdain. He is looked at as the catalyst of change and growth that he truly is. It takes a courageous soul to undertake such a role as usually if not the head of a crazed cult, she is shamed and blamed and dragged through the cobble stone streets by the righteous, tarred and feathered. Before entering Life, every Soul plans its lifetime and all the chess plays it could possibly make: the good, the bad and the ugly. Once in life, the veil drops then the individual must open to his Soul’s intuition and guidance in order to traverse the storm. Not an easy feat that is why only the courageous come here. From what I hear from Robert Schwartz, Hitler is having a very rough time of learning to love himself after veering off his projected higher path and causing much suffering. Today, the karma of authoritarianism, counterfeit Christianity and the counterfeit, spiritual occultism infecting the New Age are rearing their ugly heads once again. The unbalanced karma in the Middle East is threatening to spread to the world and we all know what that means.
This balloon of Ego pus within me is draining. I feel relieved. I am not responsible for another’s life on the Earth Plane. I am truly only responsible for healing myself. I have spent most of my life focusing on my kid’s well-being and not my own. Dazed and confused I have enabled my kids and made them the main focus of my life, even when they were grown. From there I focused more on the greater good of humanity but still left myself behind. Towards the end of the chat I told my sister I can’t watch the news anymore. They are plastering pictures of the Palestinian children mauled by war. I can’t take it. She said, “What can you do?” I said meekly, “Well, I can write about it…
My sister said, “Let them be.” I blubbered, “Yeah, their Soul Plan will guide them. They are eternal beings…they will be ok.
Then my sister, at the end of our chat started singing “Let it Be”, by the Beatles. I was crawling on the floor of my Soul by then. I lifted my head and said, “Thank you”.
WE GROW GOD 