“My next great adventure, aged 90, is going to be dying.
There’s either nothing or something.
If there’s nothing, there’s nothing, that’s it.
If there’s something, I can’t think of a greater adventure than finding out what it is.
I happen to think there is something because of the experiences I’ve had, because of experiences other people have had. Very powerful ones.”
~ Jane Goodall
Now she knows
And here’s one of her experiences, in her own beautiful words:
“Lost in awe at the beauty around me, I must have slipped into a state of heightened awareness. It is hard – impossible really – to put into words the moment of truth that suddenly came upon me then. Even the mystics are unable to describe their brief flashes of spiritual ecstasy. It seemed to me, as I struggled afterward to recall the experience, the self was utterly absent: I and the chimpanzees, the earth and trees and air, seemed to merge, to become one with the spirit power of life itself.
That afternoon, it had been as though an unseen hand had drawn back a curtain and, for the briefest moment, I had seen through such a window. In a flash of “outsight” I had known timelessness and quiet ecstasy, sensed a truth of which mainstream science is merely a small fraction. And I knew that the revelation would be with me for the rest of my life, imperfectly remembered yet always within. A source of strength on which I could draw when life seemed harsh or cruel or desperate.
All the time, I was getting closer to animals and nature, and as a result, closer to myself and more in tune with the spiritual power that I felt all around. For those who have experienced the joy of being alone with nature, there is really little need to say more; for those who have not, no words of mine can ever describe the powerful, almost mystical knowledge of beauty and eternity that come, suddenly, and all unexpected.”
My Aunt passed over in early June of 2025 at the advanced age of 91. She had attended Wellesley College as she had been accepted because of an exceptionally high I.Q. She was enthralled with Math and the Sciences. She was also raised in a staunchly Presbyterian household in Arkansas during the 1930’s from which the South was still firmly entrenched in racial turmoil. Add to that a beloved father who was also a physician who died early from a massive heart attack when she was ten years old and as he was convulsing in his bed she laid in hers frantically and fervently praying to God that his life might be spared and when it wasn’t…
the doubt crept in regarding her faith and stayed.
And yet most of her life she attended her Presbyterian Church and tried to mend the tear in her psyche between Science and Spirit. Her Church began to let her down as her acutely attuned mind asked question after question. As a math teacher and also a woman in the highly misogynistic South her questions as sharp and precise as mathematic equations would break through the swamp of the South’s religious rhetoric. She started to stretch…stretch like gum on a hot, humid pavement on a scorching summer’s day. An avid reader, she started to read more than just the Bible. Fifteen years ago she visited me in Colorado which she called God’s Country. She stared in awe at the Spanish Peaks (also known as Wahatoya, Huahatolla.) She introduced me to Richard Rohr, the Christian Mystic and began exploring other religions. A year before she passed over into Spirit, she started to read about the Baha’i Faith, a relatively new religion emphasizing the unity of humanity and all religions. Her quest to unite Spirit and Science evolved into uniting all of us into the Oneness of All That Is.
The Baha’i Faith states that “God” is the “unknowable essence”.
So, I will now take over where she left off in her video to her family made a year before she passed over where her eyes widened into huge saucers as she spoke the words, God is the “unknowable essence”.
God is knowable.
The mind of God is limited. Mind is 3rd/4th dimensional. It expands into a higher mind that clarifies the sciences but is still limited. The Heart unifies Science and Spirit. The Heart of God is unlimited. This Heart is accessed through feeling, an often times denigrated spiritual sense on this Earth Plane. It is the sense the Soul develops and values above all others while incarnated in the physical universe and it is this sense that grows God through experience. Feeling is the sense that grows the Heart of God of which we all are a part.
“If God is the Heart, then WE are the Heartbeat.” ~Yendys, my Oversoul~
This Heart is felt knowledge and is knowable. Feeling is the moving, dancing part of the Heart. This is God. This is Us. And WE are truly knowable.
Through FEELING. Feeling through things. Sinking into the fabric and threads of physical reality, riding the electron as it streaks back to join the nucleus of Creation. And as you join with Creation you are with the Creator.
Love is not a thought. It is a pulse. And a pulse can only be felt.
Through feeling we can know. Feeling is a spiritual instrument so refined that all it really ever needs to be nourished is for you to question everything.
Your intuitive feeling can lead you to a compassionate form of telepathy where words will always fall far short. With this form I call Heartipathy we can connect to The Heart which is the Source of Everything.
In the last five or so years of her life, my dear Aunt Liz found a progressive Presbyterian Church which embraced the Heart of Love, supportive and affirming of all peoples and life in the city of San Leandro, CA. She still had questions. And the tendrils of her Soul reached out to question and examine even as she took her last breath.
As a child I looked up at God shining through her face and asked, “What is God?” And she smiled oh so softly which I felt so keenly as it felt like rose petals dropping down on the clean slate of my face, she said:
It seems that many reach for the guidance of a higher power, the higher self or oversoul, or a soul group we belong to, to guide us and provide us with wisdom and answers. These are seen to be anchored in the divine realms of higher dimensions where there is only love and Unity Consciousness.
What if:
we could draw down the source of all love and wisdom, our soul families, our higher self/oversoul, even our guides and angels into our biology, into our bodies to sit within our Chakras. Jesus, Buddha and the Beings of Light guide us to go within.
What if:
there are no higher, divine dimensions to ascend to.
What if:
the Ascension, New Age 5th dimension gig going on here has it wrong? Oops, did I just say that?
What if:
Everything divine and loving was always within, nestled as subatomic realities, vast, boundless universes we call Spirit. More real than here. And maybe we just spiral down through our hearts into these origins to find Heaven, Nirvana. Maybe, we can pull these realities up into our biology, an upload of divinity, not a download. Maybe, this is how we bring Heaven to Earth. It’s already happening in nature. How do we draw up into our biology the nutrients of the Divine?
Through the in-breath. Breathing in the subatomic divine realms along our Chakra System activates the wisdom of Source. Breathing out through the Crown Chakra creates Heaven on Earth.
Can you imagine a world where we are guided to engage in loving, Mindfulness Meditations? As part of our educational systems?
I am the Soul Child of two inter-dimensional Consciousness Collectives. One of these collectives, the Chrystalene Collective which houses the Beings of Light: Christ Oversouls from all the known and unknown religions/spiritual collectives of Earth uploaded into me messages from Source as well as Movement Meditations while I lived in Colorado near the Source Vortex of the Wahatoya (also known as the Spanish Peaks of Southern Colorado). Here are links to the Chrystalene Collective and the Movement Meditations:
The other Consciousness Collective also uploaded through me messages from Spirit during a Between Lives Soul Regression Session with Robert Schwartz, author of the book, “Your Soul’s Plan”. The Ohleendra spoke through me to Rob as Rob asked questions of Its relationship to me. The full session can be found here: https://wahatoyadreaming.com/the-new-being-my-between-lives-soul-regression/
I have suffered with PTSD as long as I can remember. I really feel that all Earthlings are on the PTSD spectrum having lived multiple lives on the 3D Earth Plane. I have been suffering with CFS, Fibromyalgia from the age of 39 and recently was diagnosed with Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which causes a pain syndrome that worsens with age. It is genetic and linked to Autism of which I have a high functioning form. So basically I have been swimming in the multi-dimensional sea of pain for a pretty long time and I mention it here as prequel to an out of body experience I had last night. I was in a restaurant getting take-out. I was ordering some type of meat-ball dish from the short-haired blonde woman when I decided to go outside. Outside I looked at the buildings. Workers were up there making noise as they constructed them. I immediately sensed I was not on Earth. I was in another community. I went back in to pick up my order only to see the blonde woman walk her beautiful golden retriever out the front door. Then I’m in the restaurant where we can all sit down and eat. My daughter is about 12 years old here playing on the floor with the dog which I find inappropriate so begin to get anxious but something subdues my earthly emotions. An energy maybe. It is so calm here. Suddenly I hear a ringing. I wake and answer my phone. It is my earthly 45 year old daughter calling me about buying some mushroom chocolate drink near her work in L.A. I look at the clock. Almost 11 AM. I never sleep that late. The cat hasn’t tried to wake me up. Everything is super CHILL. My body is pain free…SAY WHAT! Normally I would be wracked with pain. I slowly realize I am out of my body. And then it comes to me as I slowly get up and walk around. My E.T. Families hijacked me as they usually do from time to time in the most wonderful of ways. They infuse me with light energies that alter and heal my energy that gets so corrupted here on Earth. And then return me to my body. When I woke this mornng and for the entire day I have been vibrating the energies of the Heavenly Realms. I don’t recall now as an adult ever being able to do this. From the dream I had until now I have noticed one thing. For the first time in my life I have NO FEAR. I can’t find even a drop of it anywhere. I remember the world I visited out of body…absolutely NO FEAR. This morning I uploaded this:
AWAKENING TO THE TRUE NATURE OF REALITY IS A CHANGE IN PERCEPTION. IT IS A SHIFTING TO THE PERCEPTION OF NO FEAR.
The Rising of Humanity is the promise of Easter. But this is not some fluffy mindfulness trick that can firmly root us in the Divine Realms.
From Jeff Foster:
There’s a comforting myth about healing, isn’t there – that it means “rising above” our vulnerable human hearts.
Spiritual awakening is often seen as some kind of “shedding” of our humanity, a realm of untouchable stillness.
But this story is a lie.
And this is what I’ve discovered, the hard way:
Peace is not the absence of deep feeling.
Strength is not the absence of trembling.
In our rush to “transcend” and “rise”, we silence our anger in the name of kindness, mask our grief with spiritual smiles. We dismiss our fear as an illusion, our wounded hearts as the ego’s noise. And we call it all… love.
We follow gurus who claim to have ended suffering. Lost their egos. Transcended their pain.
“I never get angry”, they say.
“I only have loving thoughts”.
“My ego vanished in March 1964”.
In chasing enlightenment like this, we abandon the messy truth of our own aliveness.
But what we suppress does not disappear. It lodges within us, as trauma, in the ache of our chests, the tension in our shoulders, the restless beat of our hearts. The shadows we deny grow louder and darker.
The pain we avoid festers in the deep.
The body remembers what the mind tries to forget.
True healing is not an escape from this mess of earth and sweat and trembling, but the courage to step into it all.
Not a rising above, but a rooting down:
To touch the fire of grief.
To liberate the roar of anger.
To stand in the trembling truth.
From Sydney Lynn Lok:
From there we can feel the trauma. From there we can begin to understand this ancient, inherited pain. From there we can process and begin to release it and the misplaced shame that comes with it. From there we can purge it as we hug this orphan back into the wholeness of our hearts.
From there we can make amends for the mistakes we made in the throws of humanity’s amnesia.
From there we can begin the authentic process of forgiving ourselves and forgiving others.
Forgiveness was the ultimate teaching of Christ.
I personally believe that this world, this fractured world is not an illusion but if it is just a dream, it still bleeds and in so doing grows in all of us a deep, FEELING knowing that we are not alone in our suffering. And this course we decided on before we were born… to come into the world with amnesia, awaken, then climb out of the trauma of numbness, then feel our way back into Oneness with God, this is the promise of not only returning to Heaven but finding Heaven on Earth.
Like a lot of you I am worried right now. I am scared. I am also angry. Waves of destruction flow across the landscape, often hurting – often targeting – folks least able to resist it. Hatred and injustice are like airborne toxins, infecting all of us. What should we do?
What can we do? Well, the only thing we can ever do, really: open our breaking hearts, clarify our distorted thinking and join with each other in the name of Christ. It’s not the only way or even the best way, but it is our way. God turns to you to ask the world be saved, for by your own salvation is it healed. And no one walks upon the earth but must depend on your decision . . . (T-30.II.5:1-2). The hot mess of the world (and the interior wasteland that is its psychological reflection) are together a call from God to cooperate and collaborate in making manifest the natural serious happiness that is God.. . . unless you take your part in the creation, [God’s] joy is not complete because yours is incomplete . . . The constant going out of His Love is blocked when His channels are closed . . . (T-4.VII.6:4, 7).
We collaborate with God – we participate in healing – by opening our hearts, clarifying our thinking and emptying our hands. Together, this is the way we remember – and re-member – Christ.
I know, I know. Cool and poetic, Sean! Very inspiring! But how do we actually do it? Honestly? “How” is not the problem. We aren’t confused how to open our hearts, clarify our thinking and empty our hands. That’s easy, relatively speaking. The problem is, at levels we understandably struggle to realize, we don’t want to do those things. We want to want to do those things, absolutely. We want the effects of doing those things. We’re cool with others doing them. But by and large we are content to drift away from Love and its desire to complete Itself in us. We drift and keep drifting. It’s the drift we need to address. You are much too tolerant of mind wandering, and are passively condoning your mind’s miscreations. The particular result does not matter, but the fundamental error does (T-2.VI.4:6-7).
This is why ACIM’s curriculum doesn’t really bother teaching us about love or peace or justice. Those are given. Rather, it aims at “removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is our natural inheritance” (T-in.1:7). For me, at this juncture in my study and practice, “removing the blocks” is the application. It takes the form of asking – over and over – questions like: what am I doing in each and every relationship in my life that reflects a healed heart, open mind and empty hands? Where am I falling short? What am I missing? How am I failing to cooperate? And then, seeing all that, fixing all that. For example, I am not always a great dialogue partner. I love dialogue; I love argument; I love long vulnerable talks that last the night. But sometimes I miss things. I don’t see that you’re too tired or upset to continue; I don’t see that I’m making you repeat yourself for the third or fourth time; I don’t see that I’m interrupting you or mentally rehearsing what I’m going to say to next or otherwise ignoring you. Sometimes, this seeing happens in the moment, and it is possible to correct in the moment. Sometimes I have to apologize after. Sometimes I have to seek out folks and ask for guidance. “I have a really hard time relating with this person – can you help me figure out why?” This is not about obsessive introspection or performative self-criticism. It’s not about spiraling self-criticism. It has to sugar out in application – that is, in relationships that heal in noticeable ways. And I can not be the only one noticing the healing. It has to appear and be present for both of us. Healing in A Course in Miracles is always about the relationship, be it with family, friends, co-workers, fellow students, whatever. How can I be a better partner? How can I be better collaborator – with you and, through you, with God? How can we remember Love together? For all of us? This is hard work! Sometimes it is even painful. Yet the deeper I go into it, and realize its fundamental value, the more it produces a gentle coherence that makes possible another step, another breath, another hug. There really is nothing else.Last week I wrote that there is no separation anywhere. I wrote that mind/body dualism is downstream of the self and that finding the self is what matters. “Finding the self” is not a personal accomplishment, like traveling to Boston or graduating college. It’s more like clearly seeing a process and realizing that a lot of stress, anxiety and hostility are effects of confusion, not inherent qualities of an individual.There is deep peace and contentedness in this clear seeing and realization. But also, the work goes on! Of course it goes on. Relationship goes on. Love goes on.
Jesus wasn’t sending his disciples out two by two because he was the answer; he was doing it because we are the answer, and the answer must be lived, extended, offered and shared. I place the peace of God in your heart and in your hands, to hold and share. The heart is pure to hold it, and the hands are strong to give it. We cannot lose (T-5.IV.8:10-12).
In some variants of Buddhism, a Bodhisattva prioritizes the awakening of all beings over their own. When I first learned of this, as a young man at the Vermont Zen Center, I was like, yeah, somebody else can do that. But now I understand a little. We are here to be here with one another, and in our shared presence, to undo (bit by bit, step by step) the blocks to love that prohibit all of us – without qualification or condition – from sharing in the relationship that brings forth the state of happiness – the stillness and coherence – that are what we are together in truth. So in this challenging moment (which is neither our first nor our last) let us be brave and cheerful together in beautiful and ordinary ways. Let us learn what makes being together so difficult. Let us lean on each other and console each other and comfort each other. Let our practice be loving each other as Christ loves and, in doing so, remember that there is no other love. I am here; I’m glad you are too. Love, Sean
From Rob: In a recent meeting of our Rise to the Path online spiritual community (https://yoursoulsplan.com/rise-to-the-path/) that Liesel and I host every month, we discussed the meaning, value, and importance of chaos as an accelerant for spiritual growth. Given the degree of political, climate, and other chaos we have in our world today and the stress, anxiety, and depression it creates for many people, I’d like to share with you what I shared with the RTTP members. In my book Your Soul’s Plan there’s a story about a soul, Tony, who plans before he’s born to experience a drug addiction, and Sharon, a member of Tony’s soul group who agrees to be the loving mother who shepherds him through this very difficult experience. In the channeling session for this story, I talk with a collective (a group consciousness) of angels about Tony and Sharon’s pre-birth plans. Here’s an excerpt from that conversation:
“I understand that souls can choose to incarnate in any location at any time. Why did Sharon and Tony choose to incarnate in the United States at this time in history?” “There are many opportunities for them to experience their own limitations, as well as to expand awareness, both for themselves and others around them. This is a time for exponential growth in your realm. Many who have chosen to incarnate at this time are finishing the reincarnation cycles and becoming ready to move on to other realms.” “Why are there more opportunities to experience limitation now than at other times, either in the past or in the future?”
“The planet is experiencing a systems breakdown. At those points in time when old systems break down, chaos is created. Chaos is a component—a very necessary component—of limitation and growth. It is perhaps the most fertile space in which to learn.” Notice the use of the word “the”: “it is perhaps the [my italics] most fertile space in which to learn.”
We may not like the chaos. We may wish it were otherwise. But, as the ascended master Aaron (who contributed much of the channeled information in my other two books) often says, “You do not come into the incarnation for comfort or convenience.” That is most surely true.
When you think about or observe the chaos in our world, hold in mind the perspective that you are temporarily immersed in what is perhaps the greatest accelerant for your evolution.To choose before birth to immerse yourself in such chaos is a bold decision made only by the most courageous souls.
From Sydney Lynn Haupert-Lok: I don’t receive compensation for promoting YourSoulsPlan.com
As channeled from the Beings of Light Through Liesel.
We say this to all of you who are experiencing sadness or loss or that which vibrates your body in a way that brings pain to you, we say this to you, this is the surface level of experience. As intense as it may feel at times, it is the outermost shell. It must be allowed and accepted and experienced in order to penetrate beyond the shell, and it is only during this pre-penetration process, this experiencing of the pain, it is only then that it seems so very overwhelming.
However, once this layer has moved through you, the depths that are within are essentially immeasurable and contain within them joy and peace and harmony that is also equally immeasurable.
The atoms of a human body, the atoms of a physical object are some 99.999999% empty space. That which is truly physical, truly contains mass is 0.0000001%. What this means is that that which you experience at the form or vessel level is this tiny fractional percentage. If this constitutes the totality of your experience, you will indeed experience suffering. However, if you have the perseverance to perceive beyond this tiny fraction, what opens up to you is the entire universe, is God itself, which is you.
All of this quote/unquote empty space is the binding God energy that connects all, is the love that connects and intertwines all beyond time and space. When you dwell primarily in this aspect of reality, which is truly the pervasive reality you experience true safety and true peace.
If you dwell and focus and look for your safety within that tiny percentage that constitutes physical form, that truly constitutes the mass or the form identity of physical objects, then you will never find the stability that you seek, for this small portion is always shifting and changing.
However, as all forms, all vessels are threaded onto the needle of unity consciousness, if you follow this thread, you will find your connection to all.
This underlying empty space, this underlying field of potentiality is the fabric made from the fiber of love. We are all cut from this cloth, and we will only find true comfort when we allow ourselves to experience this fiber, this fabric, this blanket surrounding us, enveloping us, giving to us the sense of wellbeing and wholeness that we so often seek in the external.
“Always know Our love is truly with you, because Our love truly is you.“
Liesel helps people all over the world transform their consciousness and lives through the workshops she co-teaches with her husband, Robert Schwartz. Liesel understands firsthand the powerful mechanism of transformation that intense life challenges can be when we allow them to crack us open. In response to her own intense struggles with severe obsessive compulsive disorder and depression, Liesel opened and surrendered to the depths of her being. The spiritual opening that followed led to her capacity to connect with Unity Consciousness (Oneness) and the loving, wise beings that reside in this state of consciousness who she and Rob affectionately call The Beings of Light. It is Liesel’s highest priority to share the profound love and wisdom of these highly evolved light beings with humanity in the messages, teachings, and meditations she channels. Liesel and Rob are thrilled to be currently working on a book based on many of the channelings. They are excited to share with the world the powerful love and insight that emerges from the sacred internal and eternal space where all are One. It is in this Oneness field within that we can all find the Truth of who we are as infinite unbounded love.
For any number of reasons, this may be a triggering post for some folks. Forgive me. Also, this essay may be a helpful companion.
Addiction owns two main qualities in my life.
First, I want everything to be more intense – brighter, faster, louder, deeper. I want the interior amplifiers set at eleven all the time. I want the stakes to be life or death all the time.
I cannot bear – I cannot bear – the ordinary, the pedestrian, the routine and the rules.
Second, a little less obviously, I do not want to be responsible. I don’t want to have to do anything that I don’t want to do. Everything should be given to me when I want it the way I want it. Only then will I be truly happy and free.
This is obviously not sustainable.
Recovery communities helped. Therapy helped a lot. Entering into a new, service-based relationship with God and God’s Creation helped, too.
But I did not really begin to face addiction nor undo its root causes until I began to study and practice A Course in Miracles.
More specifically, until I accepted and began to attempt to enact and embody the truth of ACIM’s happy dream.
Happy dreams come true, not because they are dreams, but only because they are happy. And so they must be loving. Their message is, “Thy Will be done,” and not, “I want it otherwise” (T-18.V.4:1-3).
I realized that my whole life had been dedicated to “I want it otherwise.”
When we live by the law of “I want it otherwise,” we are saying several things at once, each one of which cannot help but bring us – and others too unfortunately – to grief.
“I want.” The eogic concept of self is codified in this statement. Whatever happens is about me. My wants, my perceptions, my plans and my way. In any situation, all that matters is how I feel and what I want to do with those feelings. Stuff them? Broadcast them? Double down on them?
It’s my call. You and everyone else – up to and including Jesus and his unreliable Dad – are along for the ride.
“Otherwise.” Whatever life offered – whatever appeared – I judged against it. There were too many rules, too many requirements, the folks calling the shots were dumb and inept, the routine was stifling, schedules murder creativity, et cetera. Something was always wrong and, in keeping with the principle that I’m in charge, I refused to accept or be in relationship with any of it.
In the end, addiction is a way of refusing – of actively attacking – the healing potential of the present.
A Course in Miracles invited an accounting in this regard that made Steps Four and Nine look and feel like child’s play.
Addiction is a symptom of separation. It’s a symptom that can kill you faster than the disease itself. It’s a sympton that can take others down with you. If you don’t undo the underlying illness completely, then this deadly symptom will sprout again and again.
Addiction is effectively ego’s attack on God. Addiction makes war on Love. The war cannot be won but lifetimes can be lost fighting it. Lifetimes are lost that way.
I am not speaking hypothetically.
When I began to take A Course in Miracles seriously (long after I first started studying and practicing it), two things happened.
The first was that I saw how ACIM was not perfect. It was not a scripture. It wasn’t like Moses with his tablets. It was okay to write notes in the margins or spill coffee on its pages.
The course was simply the collaborative effort of two people – Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford – desperately trying to remember peace and happiness for themselves and leaving notes for those who came later with the same burning desire for a better way to resolve conflict.
In other words, I understood – I understand – A Course in Miracles as a prototype for ending separation by remembering oneness.
Prototypes are designed to be applied and changed. They’re designed to be flexible in order to adapt to new situations and challenges. They aren’t etched in stone, but sketched on paper in pencil. They’re meant to be interactive and permissive.
When I stopped worshipping the course – when I stopped insisting the course be the spiritual cornerstone of my living, over and against everything else – then my relationship with its content became less performative and public and more intimate and helpful. I saw its potential for healing and opened up to that potential in unexpected and life-altering ways.
The second thing that happened was that I realized I had been fucking around in the spiritual buffet line for way too long and that it was time – it was past time really – to make a decision. I had to make a commitment. It didn’t even matter to what. The act of committing – not the thing to which I committed – was the point.
So I did. Rather than say for the ten millionth time “I want it otherwise,” I said, “I guess I’ll try this, thy will be done.” And, not without a lot of bumps and bruises, false starts and wrong turns, whining and kvetching and griping, it worked.
What does that mean, “it worked?”
I mean that A Course in Miracles introduced a handful of extremely useful concepts to me – holiness vs. specialness, the importance of relationship, the vitality of the present moment – and urged me to not only become skillful in understanding them but also in – even primarily in – applying them. I learned that healing isn’t a thing I do, but a process I agree to be available for and, when it is offered, to accept it.
Let me say that again:
Healing is not an action that I take but rather a process for which I agree to become available. When it is offered, I accept.
I don’t set the terms, right? I don’t make conditions. I simply show up.
Healing is collaborative but my part is really basic: I just have to be willing to be healed. The course is very clear about this. I am not in charge.
Never approach the holy instant after you have tried to remove all fear and hatred from your mind. That is its function. Never attempt to overlook your guilt before you ask the Holy Spirit’s help. That is His function. Your part is only to offer Him a little willingness to let Him remove all fear and hatred, and to be forgiven (T-18.V.2:1-5).
Let’s break that down a little.
The most important part is the last sentence: all I have to do is offer the Holy Spirit my willingness. I have to realize the need for healing and be willing to be healed. It’s more passive than I like; it’s way less spectacular and dramatic.
But it’s not unambiguous.
It is not my job to remove fear and hatred from my mind – I can’t do that. All I can do is notice they are there in my mind, realize they are deviations from Love, and then – this is really really important – not run away from the resultant guilt.
Because I do feel guilty, right? Why am I such a defective child of God? Why did I piss away so many opportunities for healing? For contentedness? Why did I tolerate hurting others? It was so simple and I made it all complex and difficult. Why?
If I am honest, I feel like a disappointment to Jesus, to the Lord of Heaven and to the Mother of the Cosmos. I deserve to suffer and die. I deserve to be disappeared.
I hate saying that but deep down it’s the truth. Sooner or later we have to look at it.
Because it is in that space – self-convicted of crimes against God and nature, condemned to be crucified – utterly without hope for salvation, forsaken even by God – that the Holy Spirit comes and says gently but clearly, “Sean, you ridiculous beautiful goofball, you are forgiven.”
You are forgiven.
I’m not saying that this work is easy. Nor am I saying anybody has to do it. There are lots of ways to peace and happiness. I am simply saying that for me it was not possible to be happy until I was forgiven by God, through the Holy Spirit, with Jesus standing by as a kind of mystical sponsor. A Course in Miracles made that possible. My gratitude is immense.
Forgiveness is no joke. It is a real healing that we experience in bodies in the world. It’s a light that shines away the darkness and purifies the many sins and errors and blemishes we’ve cherished and collected over the years.
For me, forgiveness means that I no longer fear fear. I’m not afraid to be afraid anymore because I know that the outcome is sure. Love is the outcome – not in the future but now. I trust God; I trust you.
I desire this holy instant for myself, that I may share it with my brother, whom I love. It is not possible that I can have it without him, or he without me. Yet it is wholly possible for us to share it now (T-18.V.7:3-5).
I could say a lot about that prayer! I was born both curious and wordy. But mostly I want to remember that you and I go together and that our togetherness is collectively the site of healing, the means of healing and the effect of healing. Is it clear?
We are teaching each other how to be holy by having nothing else in our lives but holiness. Reality cannot be opposed, only accepted. I love you. And through our love, God.
Syd’s 2 cents:
This amazing post by Sean blew me away. I do not covet “A Course of Miracles” as my Bible I never question. I take what I like and leave the rest. I was addicted to being a ZERO-A ghost moving through life unseen, unheard, gaslighted, groomed to be SPECIAL by zero parents who lived in this flamboyant, arrogant, egotistical trap of societies in separation. Sean’s post is opening me to possibly, hopefully allowing my passage into true forgiveness, so I share this with you, my dear readers for your peace and upliftment.
WE GROW GOD 