Author: Sydney Lynn Haupert-Lok
I am a medium, channeler, healer and spiritual researcher. Our lives on Earth are precious and esteemed. We grow God with every experience. Our ability to FEEL is the ambrosia we bring to Spirit. Our feeling of experience grows God. I was led by Spirit to live near the Spanish Peaks (Wahatoya: Breasts of the Earth - South Central Colorado) from 2005 to 2013. The Native Americans of the region would drop their weapons, calling temporary truce when traversing these sacred Lands. Its message to me is to nurture self and others, without enabling them and giving my power away to any person, thought, belief, religion, political affiliation, spiritual practice, science, technology or institution. Resonating with any of these can be guided by Spirit and be beneficial. But beware anyone or anything that dismisses or diminishes your divine connection to Source, your personal sovereignty or asks for your Power. Love won't ask for it.
I Want It Otherwise?
Undoing Addiction: Ending our War on God and Love
Notes on healing and the holy instant
Dec 30, 2024
For any number of reasons, this may be a triggering post for some folks. Forgive me. Also, this essay may be a helpful companion.
Addiction owns two main qualities in my life.
First, I want everything to be more intense – brighter, faster, louder, deeper. I want the interior amplifiers set at eleven all the time. I want the stakes to be life or death all the time.
I cannot bear – I cannot bear – the ordinary, the pedestrian, the routine and the rules.
Second, a little less obviously, I do not want to be responsible. I don’t want to have to do anything that I don’t want to do. Everything should be given to me when I want it the way I want it. Only then will I be truly happy and free.
This is obviously not sustainable.
Recovery communities helped. Therapy helped a lot. Entering into a new, service-based relationship with God and God’s Creation helped, too.
But I did not really begin to face addiction nor undo its root causes until I began to study and practice A Course in Miracles.
More specifically, until I accepted and began to attempt to enact and embody the truth of ACIM’s happy dream.
Happy dreams come true, not because they are dreams, but only because they are happy. And so they must be loving. Their message is, “Thy Will be done,” and not, “I want it otherwise” (T-18.V.4:1-3).
I realized that my whole life had been dedicated to “I want it otherwise.”
When we live by the law of “I want it otherwise,” we are saying several things at once, each one of which cannot help but bring us – and others too unfortunately – to grief.
“I want.” The eogic concept of self is codified in this statement. Whatever happens is about me. My wants, my perceptions, my plans and my way. In any situation, all that matters is how I feel and what I want to do with those feelings. Stuff them? Broadcast them? Double down on them?
It’s my call. You and everyone else – up to and including Jesus and his unreliable Dad – are along for the ride.
“Otherwise.” Whatever life offered – whatever appeared – I judged against it. There were too many rules, too many requirements, the folks calling the shots were dumb and inept, the routine was stifling, schedules murder creativity, et cetera. Something was always wrong and, in keeping with the principle that I’m in charge, I refused to accept or be in relationship with any of it.
In the end, addiction is a way of refusing – of actively attacking – the healing potential of the present.
A Course in Miracles invited an accounting in this regard that made Steps Four and Nine look and feel like child’s play.
Addiction is a symptom of separation. It’s a symptom that can kill you faster than the disease itself. It’s a sympton that can take others down with you. If you don’t undo the underlying illness completely, then this deadly symptom will sprout again and again.
Addiction is effectively ego’s attack on God. Addiction makes war on Love. The war cannot be won but lifetimes can be lost fighting it. Lifetimes are lost that way.
I am not speaking hypothetically.
When I began to take A Course in Miracles seriously (long after I first started studying and practicing it), two things happened.
The first was that I saw how ACIM was not perfect. It was not a scripture. It wasn’t like Moses with his tablets. It was okay to write notes in the margins or spill coffee on its pages.
The course was simply the collaborative effort of two people – Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford – desperately trying to remember peace and happiness for themselves and leaving notes for those who came later with the same burning desire for a better way to resolve conflict.
In other words, I understood – I understand – A Course in Miracles as a prototype for ending separation by remembering oneness.
Prototypes are designed to be applied and changed. They’re designed to be flexible in order to adapt to new situations and challenges. They aren’t etched in stone, but sketched on paper in pencil. They’re meant to be interactive and permissive.
When I stopped worshipping the course – when I stopped insisting the course be the spiritual cornerstone of my living, over and against everything else – then my relationship with its content became less performative and public and more intimate and helpful. I saw its potential for healing and opened up to that potential in unexpected and life-altering ways.
The second thing that happened was that I realized I had been fucking around in the spiritual buffet line for way too long and that it was time – it was past time really – to make a decision. I had to make a commitment. It didn’t even matter to what. The act of committing – not the thing to which I committed – was the point.
So I did. Rather than say for the ten millionth time “I want it otherwise,” I said, “I guess I’ll try this, thy will be done.” And, not without a lot of bumps and bruises, false starts and wrong turns, whining and kvetching and griping, it worked.
What does that mean, “it worked?”
I mean that A Course in Miracles introduced a handful of extremely useful concepts to me – holiness vs. specialness, the importance of relationship, the vitality of the present moment – and urged me to not only become skillful in understanding them but also in – even primarily in – applying them. I learned that healing isn’t a thing I do, but a process I agree to be available for and, when it is offered, to accept it.
Let me say that again:
Healing is not an action that I take
but rather a process
for which I agree to become available.
When it is offered,
I accept.
I don’t set the terms, right? I don’t make conditions. I simply show up.
I say yes in the deepest and most whole-hearted way I can.
Healing is collaborative but my part is really basic: I just have to be willing to be healed. The course is very clear about this. I am not in charge.
Never approach the holy instant after you have tried to remove all fear and hatred from your mind. That is its function. Never attempt to overlook your guilt before you ask the Holy Spirit’s help. That is His function. Your part is only to offer Him a little willingness to let Him remove all fear and hatred, and to be forgiven (T-18.V.2:1-5).
Let’s break that down a little.
The most important part is the last sentence: all I have to do is offer the Holy Spirit my willingness. I have to realize the need for healing and be willing to be healed. It’s more passive than I like; it’s way less spectacular and dramatic.
But it’s not unambiguous.
It is not my job to remove fear and hatred from my mind – I can’t do that. All I can do is notice they are there in my mind, realize they are deviations from Love, and then – this is really really important – not run away from the resultant guilt.
Because I do feel guilty, right? Why am I such a defective child of God? Why did I piss away so many opportunities for healing? For contentedness? Why did I tolerate hurting others? It was so simple and I made it all complex and difficult. Why?
If I am honest, I feel like a disappointment to Jesus, to the Lord of Heaven and to the Mother of the Cosmos. I deserve to suffer and die. I deserve to be disappeared.
I hate saying that but deep down it’s the truth. Sooner or later we have to look at it.
Because it is in that space – self-convicted of crimes against God and nature, condemned to be crucified – utterly without hope for salvation, forsaken even by God – that the Holy Spirit comes and says gently but clearly, “Sean, you ridiculous beautiful goofball, you are forgiven.”
You are forgiven.
I’m not saying that this work is easy. Nor am I saying anybody has to do it. There are lots of ways to peace and happiness. I am simply saying that for me it was not possible to be happy until I was forgiven by God, through the Holy Spirit, with Jesus standing by as a kind of mystical sponsor. A Course in Miracles made that possible. My gratitude is immense.
Forgiveness is no joke. It is a real healing that we experience in bodies in the world. It’s a light that shines away the darkness and purifies the many sins and errors and blemishes we’ve cherished and collected over the years.
For me, forgiveness means that I no longer fear fear. I’m not afraid to be afraid anymore because I know that the outcome is sure. Love is the outcome – not in the future but now. I trust God; I trust you.
I desire this holy instant for myself, that I may
share it with my brother, whom I love.
It is not possible that I can have it without him, or
he without me.
Yet it is wholly possible for us to share it now (T-18.V.7:3-5).
I could say a lot about that prayer! I was born both curious and wordy. But mostly I want to remember that you and I go together and that our togetherness is collectively the site of healing, the means of healing and the effect of healing. Is it clear?
We are teaching each other how to be holy by having nothing else in our lives but holiness. Reality cannot be opposed, only accepted. I love you. And through our love, God.
Syd’s 2 cents:
This amazing post by Sean blew me away. I do not covet “A Course of Miracles” as my Bible I never question. I take what I like and leave the rest. I was addicted to being a ZERO-A ghost moving through life unseen, unheard, gaslighted, groomed to be SPECIAL by zero parents who lived in this flamboyant, arrogant, egotistical trap of societies in separation. Sean’s post is opening me to possibly, hopefully allowing my passage into true forgiveness, so I share this with you, my dear readers for your peace and upliftment.
Letting Go of Patriarchal Spirituality
By Jeff Brown
The gurus didn’t go to sit in the meditation cave to enlighten their consciousness. They went there to bypass their issues with the world. They didn’t turn to silence to extinguish the monkey mind. They turned to silence to turn down the volume on their pain (the monkey heart). They didn’t nestle into stillness because stillness is THE royal road to the kingdom of God. They nestled into stillness because movement ignited their triggers and traumas. They didn’t dissolve the ego because the ego is the enemy of the sacred. They (allegedly) dissolved the ego because it reminded them of their unresolved humanness. They didn’t purify the body because the body is something less than Divine. They purified the body in an effort to escape their emotional toxicity. They didn’t strive for transcendence because there is a kingdom up there for us. They strove for transcendence because they lacked the courage to live on Mother Earth. They didn’t seek formlessness because it is our most awakened state of being. They sought formlessness because their form hurt too much. They didn’t shun anger because anger is a sub-standard emotion. They shunned anger because it uncovered their mountains of grief. They didn’t practice non-attachment because non-attachment is the essence of self-realization. They practiced it so they could hide from the challenges of human relationship. They didn’t fixate on forgiveness because forgiveness is necessary for a life well-lived. They fixated on forgiveness in order to repress the unforgivable. They didn’t preach non-judgment because they aren’t actually judgmental. They preached non-judgment so that they could get away with anything.
Friend, we have been fooled for centuries. The patriarchy went to a lot of trouble to cloak and camouflage their personal issues behind a wall of faux awakening. A whole spiritual lineage was birthed from their self-avoidance. And it is now time to call it all out. It is now time to bury patriarchal spirituality in a graveyard of its own making, and to co-create a spirituality that is grounded in our humanness, our bodies, our feelings, our relationships with each other and Mother Earth. This is the only way to save our species.
Note from me:
The heavenly realms we spiral down into. We circumscend within to access this sub-atomic vastness which is infinite awareness that can create spiritual forms in the heavenly panaroma we return to when we leave the physical world behind.
Our lives in 3D actually accentuate the spiritual worlds bringing the human touch to spiritual reality forms. Source both stays the same and reinvents Itself continually through us, through creation.
The Eleventh Finger
Many of the people on the autism spectrum from high-functioning Aspergers to the profoundly affected and low functioning are off world hybrids ranging from Star Souls incarnating in human form to engineered hybrids from programs where humans volunteer sperm and eggs. This includes those with Down Syndrome, the Savants and others chromosome-divergent. The neuro divergent actually play huge roles in grounding energetic grids and timelines and unifying separated/polarized consciousness with Source. These beings form the bridge for human consciousness to cross to come home to Source.
This bridge is the Eleventh Finger. This image has been flashed in my mind by Source. It is the illuminated road home, the Finger that points the Way. Many of these neuro-chromosome divergent Source Souls have Yods in their Natal charts. These “Finger of God” astro-configurations point to their mission of bridging humanity with Source. I am on the Autism spectrum and my daughter has Down Syndrome. We both have these rare Yods in our Natal Charts.
Every human has the potential to open the Source Portal within them for all of creation was born of Source. Come now to sit on the Seat of the Soul which is the Big Heart. The Big Heart is actually three Chakras: The Heart Chakra, the Soular Plexus Chakra and the Womb Chakra. Sit on this blessed Fulcrum of the Big Heart and observe everything and all with kindness. This Heart cannot hold ill-will. Rest in this pocket of supreme safety. The Heart Chakra beats the Heart of God-Source. The Soular Plexus Chakra embodies Source shining out forming your world and the Womb Chakra connects to the Earth Mother that births Source Light and Love through you.
The Bridge of the Eleventh Finger is never closed. It is open to all. But first you must begin the journey of re-connecting to the Source Portal within you which is this Big Heart pulsing Loving Kindness.
Go within.
Breathe deeply.
Love Bigly.
Unify
Photo by Alexander Yakovlev
TRUTH REVEALED: Why We STRUGGLE in Life & How to Overcome & THRIVE! | Ro…
The Lion’s Gate 08/08/2024
08/08/2024 = 888 represents the opening of the Lion’s Gate Portal.
A powerful event which can be used for spiritual healing and manifestation. This year is a profoundly deep opening that connects Source directly with Creation. It has the potential to dissolve separation and cause a cascade of redemptive energies to be released. At first it will be wildly intense and explosive for much has to be broken down as Ego has become an autocratic dictator having hijacked our minds. This cannibalistic virus is hijacking the pathway where just as we begin to desire and choose redemption a trap door hurls us back into the confusion of the fear and pain. Source energies coming up through the Earth Mother (as she absorbs the Source Frequencies beaming from our sun and stars) is breaking up this virus and dispelling it.
9:11 am is 888 minutes before midnight. In some Christian numerology, the number 888 represents Jesus, or sometimes more specifically “Christ the Redeemer”. This representation may be justified either through gematria, by counting the letter values of the Greek transliteration of Jesus’ name.
Wahatoya, the Source Portal known as the Breasts of the World and also Known as the Spanish Peaks in Southern Colorado, downloaded THE DANCE of the Golden Bow through me when I lived there between 2005 and 2013. The Dance is the Golden Rule in motion: three figure-eight movements. The horizontal, the vertical and the front to back and back to front figure-eight. When moved with the torso, shoulders, head and neck, the arms and hands, the Cross of the Cosmic Christ and the three 8’s of the God Flower is invoked in Creation causing a deep and radical forgiveness of self and others. Watch the video and follow the instructions in the Dance Pamphlet at this link: https://wahatoyadreaming.com/__trashed/?frame-nonce=449e5baf20 The time has come for THE DANCE.
Kingdom
Loving Kindness Meditation
“You Are the Will of God”
Listening to Kids These Days
On service, taking sides, and the call to be holy . . .
MAY 06, 2024
A friendly get-together recently split along the following fault line: can you believe those entitled brats on college campuses? And: thank God for those students bravely standing for justice on college campuses.
Everything is a lesson. Everyone is a teacher.
What is happening with the children? The ones who are younger than us by a generation or more? The ones who are setting up encampments and facing down police? Getting mocked, pepper-sprayed and arrested? What are they saying to us about Love? How are they calling us back into the human family, there to remember we are one?
Many years ago, talking to a relatively well-known ACIM teacher, I mentioned that later in the day I was going to protest the death penalty outside a federal courthouse. The teacher said gently, totally sure of their self, “Sean, you have to let go of politics in order to follow A Course in Miracles.”
Which was silly, of course. “You have to let go of politics” is itself a political statement! Caring about whether an ACIM student is also an activist reflects the same sense of specialness one thinks they are avoiding by saying, “you can’t be an activist.”
This is not to say that you have to oppose the death penalty or vote for Marianne Williamson or donate to a food or diaper bank or whatever. You do you. But our collective dream does have a lot of nightmarish qualities that stand in the way of shared happiness. Sooner or later, we have to investigate why we co-create a world in which rape, torture and murder figure so prominently. And when and as we do, we will find ourselves responding to those crises. Ignoring them is not how suffering is undone.
As you share my unwillingness to accept error in yourself and others, you must join the great crusade to correct it; listen to my voice, learn to undo error and act to correct it. The power to work miracles belongs to you (T-1.III.1:6-7).
The teacher with whom I was speaking believed the familiar ACIM trope that the course is unconcerned with our behavior. It’s about changing our mind, not our activity. But in fact the course addresses behavior very early in the text.
The Golden Rule asks you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you . . . The Golden Rule is the rule for appropriate behavior (T-1.III.6:2, 4).
The problem is that we can’t do that because we can’t perceive ourselves correctly. When we don’t know ourselves, we can’t know our brothers and sisters either. Given that state of confusion, of course our behavior is out of line with Love. Thus the emphasis on right perception.
You cannot behave appropriately unless you perceive correctly. Since you and your neighbor are equal members of one family, as you perceive both so you will do to both. You should look out from the perception of your own holiness to the holiness of others (T-1.III.6:5-7).
The thing is – and this is what a lot of us deny in our ACIM study and practice – we can only learn to perceive rightly and become accountable to holiness by giving attention to our lives in the world, behavior and all. And, again, critically, in that world a lot of our brothers and sisters are presently suffering grievous harm.
Hence the painful question: if the brother whose holiness you share is hungry tonight, shivering under a bridge, are you truly happy? If the sister whose holiness you share is scared to leave her home and scared to stay in it, are you truly at peace?
More bluntly: when you are hungry and/or scared, do you want to remain in that state or leave it?
I am not telling you – because ACIM is not telling you – how to respond to those crises. I am saying that our hearts have to open wide enough to hold those crises so that our mind can give attention to them. The nature of life means we are implicated in one another’s suffering. And yet, our complicity also reveals our “little part in bringing happiness to all the world” (W-pI.95.14:2).
If you are having a bad day, or if you feel lonely or full of despair, I can tell you from experience that giving food to one hungry person or standing with one person society has rejected will help you as much as years of psychotherapy. Minds heal fast when bodies are given to service in the Name of God Who is Love.
You are the Will of God. Do not accept anything else as your will, or you are denying what you are . . . see the Love of God in you, and you will see it everywhere because it is everywhere. See His abundance in everyone, and you will know that you are in Him with them. They are part of you, as you are part of God . . . There is only one way out of the world’s thinking, just as there was only one way into it. Understand totally by understanding totality (T-7.VII.10:1-2, 4-6, 9-10).
You and I cannot in one gorgeous, love-filled swoop fix armed conflicts in the Middle East, famine in Africa and billionaire folly in the United States. Nor are we are called to wallow in guilt and shame because of this. I also appreciate how the “world is not real” can make any response to injustice and inequity feel meaningless and hollow.
And yet.
When I listen to young people today, they call on me to take seriously our shared nightmare. They remind me that caring for each other is the foundation of happiness. Thus, they demand that I be accountable for my understanding and practice of holiness. Most of them have never heard of A Course in Miracles, but they are beautifully clear that we can only claim our right to happiness and peace by realizing that all our brothers sisters have the same right. Anything less is injustice and contrary to the Will of God (T-25.IX.8:1).
We are in this – in a literal way – together.
Your interpretations of your brother’s needs are your interpretation of yours. By giving help you are asking for it, and if you perceive but one need in yourself you will be healed. For you will recognize God’s Answer as you want It to be, and if you want It in truth, It will be truly yours. Every appeal you answer in the Name of Christ brings the remembrance of your Father closer to your awareness. For the sake of your need, then, hear every call for help as what it is, so God can answer you (T-12.I.7:1-5).
Is it clear? The students’ perception of crisis is our perception of crisis, and responding to it in the “Name of Christ” is how we resolve the crisis, so that we and the students remember together that we are all the same, all beautiful and equal in our holiness (T-13.VIII.6:1).
What should you do about your brother or sister who suffers today? Whose physical and psychological well-being is under constant attack? For that matter, what should you do about your brother or sister who is doing the attacking? Launching missiles, shooting rubber bullets, smashing glass?
When we are awake – which is to refuse to accept the terms and conditions imposed by the world of separation – then we remember our own holiness and that holiness teaches us what to do in the world. Of course we are going to act in the world – that is what human beings do! Jesus acted, Buddha acted, Ramana acted, Dorothy Day acted, Tara Singh acted . . .
But, because they looked out from the perception of their holiness unto the holiness of others (T-1.III.6:5-7), they were able to act from holiness, from the remembrance of shared innocence. That way, their actions testified unto holiness and reminded others of their holiness, so that they could act that way as well.
What does this look like in practice?
I mean, only you can really answer that question, right? I have a friend who socializes dogs at a local shelter and I have a friend who has been shot at and beaten up for doing journalism. Both are saviors. The truth is, your heart knows who you are called to serve and how to serve them. There are no mysteries, only distractions and delay.
Ego will say that what we do is not enough or that we’re naive or selfish or confused about the ACIM metaphysics or whatever. Don’t worry about that. Ego always babbles. Give attention instead to the interior decision to listen to ego and take its bad ideas seriously. Why diminish yourself? Who is helped by that? Instead, be friendly with the holy self you are in truth and in that way befriend the world in service of a happier dream that heals all suffering.
I heard one Voice because I understood that I could not atone for myself alone. Listening to one Voice implies the decision to share It in order to hear It yourself. The Mind that was in me is still irresistibly drawn to every mind created by God, because God’s Wholeness is the Wholeness of His Son. You cannot be hurt, and do not want to show your brother anything except your wholeness (T-5.IV.4:1-4).
That is what it means to be a miracle worker. It means we follow Jesus by listening only to the Holy Spirit, whose lesson is always that we are innocent, and equal in our innocence. To realize this is to realize that miracles are not personal which at first seems paradoxical but in fact is profoundly liberating.
The impersonal nature of miracles is because the Atonement itself is one, uniting all creations with their Creator. As an expression of what you truly are, the miracle places the mind in a state of grace. The mind then naturally welcomes the Host within and the stranger without. When you bring in the stranger, he becomes your brother (T-1.III.7:3-6).
Bringing in the stranger takes form in the world. Let it! The form that serving your brothers and sisters takes is the form that saves you as well.
Limit the peace you share, and your Self must be unknown to you . . . Would you cut off a brother from the light that is yours? You would not do so if you realized that you can darken only your own mind. As you bring him back, so will you return. That is the law of God, for the protection of the Wholeness of His Son (T-11.IV.3:2, 4-7).
It’s easy to say “we are one,” we all do it. But to live in a way that brings forth our oneness is hard. It requires facing inequity and injustice and being willing to undo it. If I live in a way that makes you unhappy or unsafe or unwell then I am called to change. The kids protesting remind us of this. Caring for the happiness of all our brothers and sisters is the only way to be happy.
It’s easy to dismiss teachers like this. But I don’t want to afraid of the life I am called to live in order to remember that death is not real and suffering an illusion. I want to live so that I see “the glow of Heaven shining on the face of earth, redeemed from sin and in the Love of God” (S-2.II.8:6). But I can only see this way in relationship with you! Truly, “one instant spent together with your brother restores the universe to both of you” (T-18.VII.5:3).
Therefore, lauds and praise unto the young ones who teach me that “we cannot leave a part of us outside our love if we would know our Self” (W-pI.127.12:1). And lauds and praise to you as well for sharing the way with me. Without you, it doesn’t mean a thing.
~ Sean
WE GROW GOD 